Greetings friends and lovers.
Mardi Gras has come and gone, the beads are in the trees, and I am smoking way too much these days. I feel like the Crescent City is a new lover. I can’t seem to tie the words together to describe this place, which is in itself a beautiful thing. I am feeling the pressure of the modern world, urging me to monetize my actions and “pay my own way”. But on the other shoulder, or rather inside myself, I have the unshakable assurance that the Universe/God/Goddess/Life is taking care of me, and will continue to provide me with all I need. This is not dependent on me making money, just on embracing the flow of the energy all around me and creating the world I wish to live in. The world of my heart.
I am in limbo, then, between the monastic life and the civilian. It’s not a bad place to be, certainly…. and I think I will find my balancing point very soon. I’m considering trading my little hatchback for a van, one I could put a bed in. That would be something, alright. A lot easier to camp out this way if I had an affordable, safe place to sleep every night. Well, safe-ish.
I am learning that I am an emotional being. This is generally maligned by society, but that is irrelevant. I am this way because, this is who I am. In this body, in this life, for whatever reason. I am learning how to relax and let things slide out of my grasp, while at the same time I’m also learning to selectively hold tight to what I want to use and build with.
I feel out of touch with the pace of technology, yet I’m not TOTALLY out of pace… I can use email and word processing, stream music while I’m at the gym. I guess where this is going is just, balance. Balance is the name of the game.